I started this website as a source of encouragement, so I could see how far I’ve come. In looking back this week, it has become something of the opposite. I can see how very far I’ve not come. I realize now that this is why I’ve become lax in posting lately. It’s seemed rather pointless.
In two weeks this site will be three years old, and after all of the hard work, there’s nearly no visible difference in the state of my home. Even with the help of friends (thank you, J and J), it remains as daunting and overwhelming a task now as it was three years ago. Perhaps more so because of the aura of failure that surrounds it now. And the vague feeling that I’ve somehow betrayed the support of everyone who’s been helping during the process, whether it be in person or in spirit. You’ve all been wonderful, thank you. I’m sorry if I let you down.
I have noticed a pattern throughout that time, though. Progress occurs –> life happens –> progress unoccurs. Like a real life version of Sisyphus, with me in the starring role, and my house playing the part of the boulder. Interestingly the things change, but the overall situation remains unchanged. I guess I should be happy that it hasn’t gotten worse? At least it’s remained constant.
Well, parts have remained constant. Other parts are steadily devolving. It feels like I get one thing accomplished for every three things that pop up, so I’m steadily falling further and further behind.
I’m sorry for being such a bummer in this post. I suspect I’m burning out, but don’t know what to do about it. Life requires my presence, so a month’s worth of indolence isn’t an option. Heck, even a week-long nap is out of the question.
So, there it is. I guess the saying really is true–the more things change, the more they remain the same.