On the theory that if you keep doing what you’re doing you’ll keep getting what you’re getting, I decided to tackle the whole “faulty emotional wiring” with some genuine counselling. I’m tired of near constant anxiety and guilt; it’s exhausting, and I have better uses for that energy.
After the first session it turns out that I’m not very nice to myself. In fact, I’d be considered a horrible bully if I treated others that way. I never looked at it in quite that way before. Also, apparently I have some lurking desire to change the past, which means I want to be God, since He’s the only one who can do that. I never looked at that in precisely that way before, either. This could explain a whole lot. It also means that there’s a LOT of work ahead. Apparently there’s as big a mess inside my head as there is inside my home. Disturbing, that!
[Edit, Aug 4. Memo to self, yet again: Press PUBLISH, not SAVE DRAFT if the intent is to make the post visible. *sigh*]