It seems impossible to develop any sort of momentum. I get one task done, then it can be days, or even weeks, until I can move along to the next step. The very fundamentals of living seem to get in the way of regaining control of my life. Evenings out with family and friends – entire days gone; bad day at work leaves me exhausted; the days in between all of that are consumed with the basic maintenance required for daily living. That leaves me with a few precious hours…. do I use them in organizing, or do I use them for some much-needed downtime before the next week begins?
Websites need updating (or the members start to whine), animals need caring for, laundry needs doing, food needs cooking, groceries need to be bought and room found for them. Hobbies? Ya, right… I’ll just use my overflowing stock of free time for those. I start feeling so overwhelmed and discouraged. I hear the voices in the back of my head again: “lazy”, “what’s your excuse this time?”, “loser”, “failure”, “you haven’t done anything today?” and all my energy drains away in despair. The guilt of inaction becomes overwhelming.
I have to drown out the voices and believe that even one thing a week is good; even the start on one thing is good but, while this is an important goal, it’s not worth turning away time with family and friends, who make everything else in life so much more bearable. It sounds so easy, doesn’t it? But it’s not…. not when everywhere I look screams out my incompetence at something that everyone else I know finds so very easy.